Why Most Leaders Suffer from Extreme Loneliness

There’s a well-known old adage that says, “It’s lonely at the top.” And the truth is, for a large percentage of leaders, that statement couldn’t be more accurate. Studies over the past several decades have widely concluded that oftentimes, the more prolific and accomplished a leader is, the more likely they are to face real feelings of loneliness and/or isolation.

But how can this be? How can a leader, who is likely surrounded by countless individuals every single day, feel so alone and isolated?

In general, humans find the bulk of their connectivity with others through shared experiences and perspectives. 

In other words, we typically like people “like us,” or who have experienced similar challenges and undertakings. The rub then, for many leaders, and especially those who have found remarkable success, is that they often have very few others who can truly identify with the issues and circumstances they are currently encountering as leaders.

Imagine what LeBron James must feel like when talking to an average fan, trying to share the intense pressure he faces when tasked with hitting a game-winning shot in the playoffs. The truth is, for us non-elite NBA players, there’s really no way for us to fully empathize with what it must feel like, or to offer a perspective that’s truly helpful to him in learning how to get even better at coming through in the clutch.

As you continue to find more and more success in your leadership journey, you’ll often find that you don’t connect as well with others who simply haven’t experienced or even understood the limitless challenges that occur when we are effectively managing and leading others. Luckily, there’s an easy solution. But you have to be proactive in finding it.

Find Your Tribe:

As you continue your path as an emerging and maturing leader, I would highly advocate that you be diligent in “finding your tribe.” In other words, if we typically like people “like us,” then our objective needs to be to go out and find them. Find others who are also pushing the envelope in their own leadership development. Find others who have experienced or are currently experiencing the challenges, successes, heartbreaks, and massive victories that can come from the leadership space.

Anyone who has been intentional in their leadership journey would attest that it wildly changes you—the way you think, the way you operate, and the way that you see society in general. Most of the people you interact with on a daily basis haven’t gone through that same metamorphosis, and as well-meaning and empathetic as they may be, they simply don’t have the perspective and/or experience required to really be able to understand. That said, though, there are plenty of others in the world who DO understand. Our job then is to go find them—to find our tribe. Join a leadership organization, start a mastermind group, commit to attending leadership training with other like-minded individuals. Finding a tribe for most leaders is the difference between having to navigate the highs and lows all alone or having a network of others who can empathize with you, give you advice when you need it, or even just help you with whatever you might be facing in the moment.

You don’t necessarily need a tribe to be successful (although I do think a tribe is actually an accelerator for most leaders). We can find victory alone, or we can find victory together, and I find that most leaders would much prefer the latter. Find your tribe.